Thursday, May 7, 2009

The Adventures of Carpet Shopping

We have been carpet shopping lately. I didn't know this but used car salesmen and carpet salesmen are one and the same. Here are a couple of interesting things in the fine print of the stainmaster carpet brochure.

Carpet salesman says, "You must register your carpet to be eligable for the warranty, but it is transferable between owners. This sealed the deal when I sold my last house." Looking at the fine print we found "Warranty registration is not a condition of warranty coverage."

Here are a summary of the "Typical Stains Not Covered by the Warranty"

- Chalk

- Charcoal

- Crayon

- Dirt (wow, nothing like leaving that so general no one can make a claim)

- Linseed oil (because we use so much of that)

- Rust

- Solder (I guess fixing electronics in the bedroom is out)

- Urine/feces (keep in mind these are marketed at being good at resisting pet stains)

- Toothpaste

- Toilet bowl cleaner (yet another reason not to put a toilet in the living room)

- Makeup

- Vaseline

- White glue

That is a shortened list, pretty much everything else is on there too. Kind of funny that a product marketed as stainmaster has a huge list of things that stain it.

That is like saying He Man is master of the universe, but in fine print:

The He Man Master of the Universe statement is only applicable in situations that do not involve He Man actually being challenged. Typical enemies not covered by this statement may include

- Skeletor, Beast Man, Tri-Klops, Trapjaw, Mer-Man

*Other evil-type villans may also not be covered on a situational basis

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